I'd Rather Be Strong Than Skinny: The Midlife Mindset Shift Women Desperately Need

Choosing Strong over Skinny: The Essential Midlife Mindset Shift Women Need Now

There was a time—many years ago—when all I wanted was to be skinny. I obsessed over it. I wanted the flat stomach, the hip bones poking out of low-rise jeans, the “thigh gap.” I chased the idea of a crop-top body like it was a badge of honor, as if finally achieving it would somehow unlock confidence, happiness, and worth.

But here’s the hard truth: that version of me, the one in her late teens and early 20s, was exhausted. I struggled with disordered eating. A version of bulimia shadowed me through some of my most formative years. I skipped meals, counted every calorie, feared carbs, punished my body with cardio, and lived in constant comparison.

And for what?

A number on a scale? A size tag on a pair of jeans?

Today, in my 40s, I can say this with my whole chest: I don’t give a damn about being skinny. I care about being strong. I care about being healthy. I care about living.

Strong, Not Skinny: What That Really Means

Let’s stop here for a second, because this isn’t just a catchy phrase for Instagram. “Strong, not skinny” is a radical shift in how we approach our bodies, health, and self-worth. It’s not a tagline. It’s a mindset.

When I say I’d rather be strong than skinny, I’m saying:

• I’d rather lift a couch than be able to squeeze into a size 2.

• I’d rather do pushups like a badass than obsess over thigh gaps.

• I’d rather train for life than for likes.

This doesn’t mean I don’t care about how I look. I do. I love a cute outfit. I want to feel sexy. But what I no longer care about is shrinking myself to fit some outdated beauty standard that was never meant for me in the first place.

I’ve got broad shoulders and thick thighs. I’m not built to be petite. I’ve got big bones, a big personality, and big dreams. So why would I waste one more second trying to be smaller?

The Fitness Industry’s Lie: Skinny = Success

Let’s call it out: the wellness and fitness industries have sold us a toxic lie for decades.

They’ve told us that thin equals fit. That smaller equals healthier. That shrinking equals progress.

But you know what shrinking actually feels like? Small.

When you’re constantly trying to take up less space—in your clothes, in your life, in your own head—you’re not living. You’re surviving. You’re obsessing. You’re missing out.

And it’s time we burned that idea to the ground.

Strength is the new sexy.

Midlife is the Wake-Up Call We Didn’t Know We Needed

There’s something magical that happens in your 40s. You stop apologizing for your existence. You get louder, bolder, wiser. You stop people-pleasing and start soul-pleasing.

Your 40s are when the pendulum swings from “I want to be desired” to “I want to be respected—and I respect myself.”

That shift? It shows up in the gym, in your closet, in your relationships.

I train now so I can pick up heavy things without help. I train so I can get out of bed by myself at 80. I train so I can walk with confidence and carry groceries with one arm like a damn superhero.

The blazer doesn’t fit my shoulders? Cool. My shoulders are strong.

The jeans feel tight on my thighs? Amazing. That’s muscle I earned.

That number on the scale won’t budge? Who cares. My body is showing up for me every single day.

Body Dysmorphia Is Everywhere—But So Is Healing

Let’s not pretend this is easy. Women everywhere—yes, even the ones you think “have it all together”—are struggling with body dysmorphia. I see it every day in our photography business. Women picking themselves apart in photos. Hiding. Sucking in. Feeling not enough.

I see it in conversations with friends, family, clients. I see it on social media.

But here’s what I also see: women waking up. Women lifting weights. Women unfollowing toxic accounts. Women trading skinny teas for strength training. Women starting therapy. Women saying “no more.”

Healing is happening.

It’s quiet, it’s personal, and it’s powerful.

And if you’re reading this thinking, “That’s me, I’m still stuck,” I see you. I was you.

The Power of Perspective: Your 20-Year-Older Self Is Watching

One thing that helps me stay grounded? I think about the 60-year-old version of me.

And I think about how she’ll look back at my 40s and say, “Damn, you looked good. You were vibrant. You were strong. You had energy. You should’ve worn the shorts. You should’ve taken the picture. You should’ve stopped hiding.”

We are always so hard on ourselves in the moment. But if we could fast-forward 20 years and look back at the body we’re in now, we’d admire her. We’d want to be her again.

So why not love her now?

Real Talk: You Don’t Have to Love Your Body to Respect It

I get it. Some days you won’t feel beautiful. Some days you’ll feel bloated, tired, puffy, soft.

You don’t have to love every inch of your body every single day. That’s unrealistic.

But what you can do is respect your body.

Feed it well. Move it daily. Speak to it kindly. Dress it in things that make you feel hot—even if that’s just lipstick and sweatpants. Stand up tall. Walk with intention. Smile like you know something no one else does.

You don’t have to wait until you lose weight to do any of that.

Here’s What I Know For Sure

1. You’re already strong—even if you don’t lift weights yet.

2. You’re already worthy—regardless of your size or shape.

3. You are not behind—no matter your age or how long you’ve been struggling.

4. You can change your mindset—and when you do, your life will change too.

5. You’re allowed to take up space—physically, emotionally, professionally.

Final Words (Say Them With Me)

I’m not shrinking.

I’m not chasing skinny.

I’m training for life, not for looks.

I’m prioritizing strength over size.

I’m showing up for me.

So if that means my pants are tight on my thighs, hell yes. That’s strength. If that blazer won’t close over my shoulders, bring it on. That’s power. If my weight doesn’t budge but my deadlift improves, I’m winning.

Ladies, it’s time to redefine what success looks like in a female body.

Spoiler: It’s not skinny. It’s strong, capable, vibrant, energetic, joyful, grounded, and free.

Now put on the outfit that makes you feel sexy. Stand tall. Walk like you own the damn world. Look in the mirror and remember: the woman staring back at you is someone your younger self used to dream of becoming.

And the woman you’re becoming? She’s not even done yet.